Hey, my name is Schuyler and this is the blog for me to indulge and explore a shadow side of me. What is a shadow side? A shadow side is a part of you that you suppress, deny or completely ignore. You don’t acknowledge it out of fear, embarrassment, or even because “that’s not who I am”
It is you.
Childhood me versus grown up me were so different. My inner child delighted in all things light, feminine but also gothic and dark. Basically, my childhood heroes were Fancy Nancy and Mary Shelley, probably. But as I grew up, I portrayed myself as a total tomboy. I prided myself in never wearing makeup, having a disheveled appearance and basically never taking care of myself. I studied hard in school, made academics my only priority and shyed away from guys. Frankly, nothing wrong with that really, but I was completely denying the other side of me. The very very flirty, airy and lover of all things self care and gothic noir (my shadow aspect). As a child, I would spend my evenings engrossed in magic or horror books, or Country Living and Vogue magazine. I loved what I loved and didn’t question it. I was fiercely competitive and athletic, and made no apologies for who I was. I was the risk taking adventurer among my cousins, even leading them on guided tours to hunt for faeries.
Anyway, I grew up, the world and my parents got the best of me and I started battling depression up until now age 20. I went to college for two years, but the problem was even though I liked what I was studying, History, I hated the campus and the student body and just living in Florida. Every decision I made was out of convenience and what I was supposed to do. I had no self esteem and low self respect.
So finally, after a lot of soul searching I decided that I wanted to be completely true to myself no matter what the consequences.
My life has improved tremendously, and although I’m still taking baby steps, I am increadibly proud of myself for letting go of things that never served me best, they only served me “good” or “ok”.
This blog will chronicle my shadow journey as I start following my hears desire of magic, spirits, adventure, and all things gothic, fancy and urban!